Jokes - In Urdu

[faizans]

Shaadi sAY pEHLAY..

Shaadi ke pehle - Maine Pyar Kiya
Shaadi ke baad - Ye Maine Kya Kiya?

Shaadi ke pehle - Kuch Kuch Hota Hai
Shaadi ke baad - Kuch Nahi Hota Ha

Shaadi ke pehle - Dil To Pagal Hai
Shaadi ke baad - Dil To Pagal Tha

Shaadi ke pehle - Ek Duje Ke Liye
Shaadi ke baad - Sirf Bachcho Ke Liye

Shaadi ke pehle - Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge
Shaadi ke baad - Baaki Log Sukhi Ho Jayenge

Shaadi ke pehle - Chandramukhi
Shaadi ke baad - Jwaalamukhi

Shaadi ke pehle - Kuwara Baap
Shaadi ke baad - Bechara Baap

Shaadi ke pehle - Titanic
Shaadi ke baad - Mortgage

Shaadi ke pehle - Hum Aapke Hai Koun?
Shaadi ke baad - Barbadi Ka Reason

Shaadi ke pehle - Aao Pyar Karen
Shaadi ke baad - Aur Bhi Kuch Kaam Karen?

Shaadi ke pehle - chal chayya chayya
Shaadi ke baad - ah aab laut chale

Shaadi ke pehle - hum aapke dil main rehte hain
Shaadi ke baad - hum apke ghar main rehte hain

Shaadi ke pehle - arzoo
Shaadi ke baad - asoo

Shaadi ke pehle - soldier
Shaadi ke baad - major sahib

Shaadi ke pehle - pyaar hona hi tha
Shaadi ke baad - meri saath esa kyu hua

Shaadi ke pehle - jeevan saathi
Shaadi ke baad - bachcho ke baad, bangaye hathi

Shaadi ke pehle - deewana
Shaadi ke baad - anjaam

Shaadi ke pehle - laila majnoo
Shaadi ke baad - dono majnoon

فایزانس
"faizan's"
faizans_2005*************

[faizans]

Kash is eid par main tera bakra hota
Aur kissi ne na sahi tu ne to mujhe pakra hota

Tu hina legey hathon sey mujhe pathey khilati
Thorey thorey nahi sarey akathey khilati

Tu mujhe main main kar ke bulati
Aur sham ko gali main saath ghumati

Mere pass gaari na sahi chakhra hota
Kash iss eid par main tera bakra hota

Tu meri suhbat par naaz karti
Bila-jhijhak mujhe aashnae-raz karti

Agar mera raqeeb mujhe chehra karata
Seeng marta foran usse takar karata

Raat ko sardi main bahir akra hota
Kash iss eid par main tera bakra hota

Phir eid par zibah ho jata main
Teri khatir cut mar jata main

Teri muhabat ne kuch iss tarah jakra hota
Kash iss eid par main tera bakra hota

فایزانسس
"faizan's"
faizans_2005*************

[faizans]

1.) CSS + MSC + MBBS + MBA = UNEMPLYOMENT ..

2.) An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot com.

3.) Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan.

4.) 4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada =
4 minute song in Hindi movie.

5.) Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your mum's favourite serials.

6.) Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan = Abhishek Bachchan -Talent.

7.) Any actor + Any actress + many movies = David Dhawan

8.) 1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda

9.) 1 person - shirt = Salman Khan

10.) 1 person + straight hair + unstraight walk = Sanjay dutt

11.) 1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol

12.) One engagement + Two weddings + Three wedding songs + Four hundred Relatives + A house bigger than Buckingham Palace = One Sooraj Barjataya's Film.

13.) One man + one woman = Isha Deol

14.) Time waste - time = Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi

15.) Boring songs + heavy dialogues + Bogus dressing + waiste of money = Devdas

16.) New heroes + New heroins = a flop movie

17.) Old heroes + new heroins = a blunder

18.) Old heroes + old heroins = time pass

19.) action - suspense + comedy - thrill - story= Indian superhit movie

20.) Monkey + Elephant + Mouse = Indian's Bhagwan

21.) Do aur do paanch = Indians ka maths

فایزانس
"faizan's"
faizans_2005*************

[faizans]

Baithe baithe kamre main kar rahi thi press
Teri yaad aayi to jal gayi dress..............!

Jee karta hai ki teri nili nili aankhon main dub jaoon
Jee karta hai ki teree nili nili aankhon main dub jaoon
Splash!

Yeh aankhen hai ya neeli jheel?
Yeh aankhen hai ya neeli jheel?
So? What's the big deal?

Dharti so rahi hai,
Aasman so raha hai
Dharti so rahi hai,
Aasman so raha hai
Nonsense! yeh sab kya ho raha hai?

Aasmaan mein ud raha hai kabootar
Aasmaan mein ud raha hai kabootar
Flutter Flutter, Flutter Flutter
Dharti, taarey, pahaad, pathar
Dharti, taarey, pahaad, pathar
Ekhattar, bahattar, chauhattar !
(trihattar is on leave )

Aaj aasmaan mein taare aise chamak rahe hain
Aaj aasmaan mein taare aise chamak rahe hain
Bilkul jaise kal chamak rahe the...(wah wah)

Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai
Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai
Ke kyon kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai??

Ladki boli:
Chandni chaand se hoti hai, sitaron se nahi,
Chandni chaand se hoti hai, sitaron se nahi,
Mohabbat ek se hoti hai, hazaaron se nahi.

Ladka bola :
Chandni agar chaand se hogi to sitaron ka kya hoga,
Chandni agar chaand se hogi to sitaron ka kya hoga,
Mohabbat agar ek se hogi to hazaron ka kya hoga.

Bewafa sanam se to cigarette achi hai,
Bewafa sanam se to cigarette achi hai,
Dil jalati hai, par hoto se to lagti hai

Voh Sadak Ke Us Paar Thi Hum Sadak Ke Is Paar The
Kuch Hum Aage Badhe, Kuch Voh Aage Badhi
Hum Kuch Aur Aage Badhe, Voh Bhi Kuch Aur Aage Badhi
Hum Aur Bhi Aage Badhe, Voh Bhi Aur Aage Badhi
Ab Hum Sadak Ke Us Paar Hein, Aur Voh Sadak Ke Is Paar Hein

Dur se dekhaa to kuchh dikha nahi......
Dur se dekhaaa.. to kuchh dikha nahi....
Paas jake dekhaa to kuchh tha hi nahi

Khuda ne jab tumhe banaya hoga,
Confusion ka moment aaya hoga,
kabhi Monkey to kabhi Donkey banana chaha hoga,
End mein dono ka mixture passand aaya hoga!!!

Hum dua karte hain Khuda se,
ki wo aap jaisa dost aur na banaye...,
Ek Cartoon jaisi cheez hai humare paas,
kahin wo bhi common na ho jaye!!

English Man : - Humare America mein War ho gaya hai
Mohit: - Humare India mein to roz hi war hota hai
English Man : - wo kaise?
Mohit : - Somwar, Mangalwar, Budhwar.....!!!

Woh gori hai uski zulfe hain kali,
Wo Pari hai ya Pariyo ki Rani,
Uski har baat hai nirali,
Par kya karu yaaro wo larki kisi aur ne pata li!

فایزانس
"faizan's"
faizans_2005*************

[faizans]

How do u CUT roads?????
By LAUGHING.....
Because "Haste Haste Cut jaye Raste"

------------------------------------------------------------ --------------------
Luv and Saala are going to a village in between
comes A well. Luv falls into the well. Why???
Because Luv (love) is blind !!!!!
Now , Saala also jumps inside. Why??
Because Luv ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!!!!
------------------------------------------------------------ --------------------
Jackie ....Chan ki saas ka naam kya hai?.. ???
socho....... nahi pata..??
Answer- D'Cold......Chan ki saans - D'cold
Chalo ab batao Jackie.... Chan ki bahu ka naam kya hai ?
This is quite simple.. .....
Ans: D'Cold again.......Kyunki saans bhi kabhi bahuthi :-))
------------------------------------------------------------ --------------------
A beggar meets another beggar.
A software engineer meets another software engineer.
Both of them ask the same question to each other.
What is the question ???
So, Which Platform are you Working on ???....
------------------------------------------------------------ --------------------
Question: What will u call a person who is
leaving India??
Answer : Hindustan Lever (Leaver).
Question: What will u call a person who leaves India,but doesn't travel
much??
Answer: Hindustan Lever Ltd (Limited).

----------------------------------
Q -Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha us ka naam
kya tha ?

Ans: Adidas.
------------------------------------------------------------ --------------------
Q - Prasad asks Kumble to bring a pepsi... Kumble
brings a bottle of pepsi but goes directly to Tendulkar. why ?? why ??
Ans: Tendulkar is an opener

------------------------------------------------------------ --------------------
Q - What is similarity between "Satynarayan Pooja"
and "Indian Cricket Team"
Ans: Dono ke ant me "Prasad" aataa hai

------------------------------------------------------------ --------------------
Q - Who is Joe?
"Kambakth ishq" - Because "Kambakth ishq hai Joe!"

------------------------------------------------------------ --------------------
And of course, the grand final............The
Madrasi said, I want to
see the movie 'heart is umbrella'. Which movie did
he really want to see?
Dil Chhata Hai.......

فایزانس
"faizan's"
faizans_2005*************

[faizans]

Dekha tujhe to rooh khush ho gayi,
Ek kami thi vo bhi puri ho gayi,
Pagal hain vo log jo kehte hain ki,
Chimpanzi ki aakhri nasal kahin kho gayi!!

********************************************

Mere Dil, Jiger, Kidney, Liver ho tum
waqt-bewaqt aaye vo fever ho tum
Doob kar jisme marr jaoo vo River ho tum
Mere jeevan mein ab to forever ho tum...

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Shaam hote hi ye Dil udaas hota hai
Toote khwaboo ke siwa kuch na pass hota hai
Tumahri yaad aise waqt bohat aati hai
Bandar jab koi aas-paas hota hai..

********************************************

Vo aaj bhi hume dekh kar muskurate hain
Vo aaj bhi hume dekh kar muskurate hain
Yeh to unke bachche hee kaminey hain,
Jo Mama Mama kehke bulaate hain

********************************************

Ek ladki thi diwani si, sunder si lambi si,
Nazrein jhukake sharmake galion se guzra karti thi
latak matak chalti thi, aur kaha karti thi,
Bartan Lelo Bartan....

********************************************

Woh hamari gali me aaye...
Woh hamari gali me aaye...
Woh hamari gali me aaye...
Aur chillake bole.....
Paper Raddi wala !!!!!

********************************************

Apni Surat ka kabhi to didaar de
tadap raha hu kabhi to apna pyaar de
Apni awaaz nahi sunani to mat suna
Kam se kam 1 Missed call hee maar de

********************************************

jab tum angdayi leti ho tho mera dum nikal jata hai
jab tum angdayi leti ho tho mera dum nikal jata hai
arey thoda deodrant lagane main tera kya jata hai

*******************************************

فایزانس
"faizan's"
faizans_2005*************

[adee143]

hahahhahahhhahahahhahahahhahahahhaaaaa............ ................
hhahahhahahahhahahahhahahahhahaha................. ..........
hahhahahhahahahahhahahhahaha....................
hahahahahahhahahhahahah....................
hahhahahahhahahahha...............
hahhahahhahahaha...........
hahahahahhah.........
hahhahaha.........
hahhah.........
hah........
ha.....
h...
hahahahhahahahhahahahahhahahahhahahahhahahahahahah hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[faizans]

Hindi version of .........Khidkiyan'DoHazar ( Windows 2000 ):

1.Phaail = File

2.Bachao = Save

3.Aise Bachao = Save as

4.Subko Bachao = Save All

5.Mujhe Bachao = Help

6.Dhoondo = Find

7.Firse Dhoondo = Find Again

8.Hilao = Move

9.Dak = Mail

10.Dakiya = Mailer

11.Paas se dhekho = Zoom

12.Door se dhekho = Zoom Out

13.Kholo = Open

14.Bandh Karo = Close

15.Naya = New

16.Purana/Khatara = Old

17.Badli Karo = Replace

18.Bhaago = Run

19.Chaapo = Print

20.Dekh Ke Chaapo = Print Preview

21.Nakal Utaaro/Kaapi =Copy

22.Kaato = Cut

23.Chipkao = Paste

24.Payshal Chipkao = Paste Special

25.Goli Maaro = Delete

26.Nazaara = View

27.Hatyaar = Tools

29.Khuli Chaadar = Spreadsheet

30.Kalti Maaro = Exit

36.Idhar-se-Udhar - Forward

Additional Softwares

4. 'This program has performed an illegal operation -
"Abort,Retry or

Ignore" ? "Is karyakram ne gairkanooni kaam kiya hai -zatak
se bandkaro

(abort),Koshish karte raho/Hum onge Kamyaab retry), Goli Maro
(Ignore)"

5. MICROSOFT POWERPOINT - "AtiSukshma Mulayam ShaktiBindu"

6. MICROSOFT WORD 6 - "AtiSukshma Mulayam Shabda Cheh"

7. MICROSOFT ACCESS - "AtiSukshma Mulayam PRAVESH KI
SAMMATI"

8. FOXPRO - "Lombdigiri (Lomiree) mein Maahir"

9. MICROSOFT ! VISUAL C++ - "AtiSukshma Mulayam Nazaaraa C adhik
hi adhik"

10. OFICE 2000 - "Karyalaya 2000 mein"

11. Internet Explorer - "Taaron ke Jaal ka Sanshodhak"

12. Lotus Notes - " Kamal ke Ruppeye"

13. ACCESS DENIED - " Ghusne ki Agya nahi"

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فایزانس
"faizan's"
faizans_2005*************

[faizans]

Na Chemistry Hoti Na Love Hota

Na Chmistry hoti na main Student hota
Na ye Lab hoti Na Ye Accident Hota

Abhi Practical main ayee nazar Ek Larki
Sundar thi Naak Us ki Test Tube Jaisi

Baton main Us ki Glucose ki Mithas thi
Sanson main Eter ki Khushboo bhi sath thi

Aankhon se jhalakta tha kuch is Tarah ka Pyaar
Bin Piye hi ho jata hai Alcohol ka Khumar

Benzene sa hota tha Uski Presence ka Ehsaas
Andhere main hota tha Radium ka Abhas

Nazrain mileen, reaction hua
Kuch is tarah Love ka Production hua

Lagne lage Us ke Ghar ke Chakkar aise
Nucleus ke charon taraf Electron hon jaise

Us din hamare Test ka Confirmation hua
Jab us ke daddy se hamara Introduction hua

Sun kar hamari baat wo aise Uchal pare
Ignesium Tube main jaise Sodium Bharak uthe

Wo bole, Hosh main aao, Pahchano apni Auwqat
Iron mil nahin sakta kabhi Gold ke saath

Ye sun ker Tuta hamare Armanon Bhara Beaker
Aur ham Chup rahe Benzeldehyde ka Karwa Ghoont pee ker

Ab us ki yadon ke siwa hamara Kam chalta na tha
Aur Lab main hamare Dil ke siwa kuch jalta na tha

Zindagi ho gayee Unsaturated Hydrocarbon ki Tarah
Aur ham phirte hain Awara Hydrogen ki Tarah

*******************************************

فایزانس
"faizan's"
faizans_2005*************

[faizans]

Some Fun with Punjabianz

Woh gori hai uski zulfe hain kali,
Wo Pari hai ya Pariyo ki Rani,
Uski har baat hai nirali,
Par kya karu yaaro wo larki kisi aur ne pata li!

English Man : - Humare America mein War ho gaya hai
Mohit: - Humare India mein to roz hi war hota hai
English Man : - wo kaise?
Mohit : - Somwar, Mangalwar, Budhwar.....!!!

Geeta Sar : - SMS kar aur bhool ja,
reply ki apeksha mat rakh, kiya hua SMS kabhi veyarth nahi
jaata Sabko apne kiye hue SMS ka reply milta hi hai!!

Hum dua karte hain Khuda se,
ki wo aap jaisa dost aur na banaye...,
Ek Cartoon jaisi cheez hai humare paas,
kahin wo bhi common na ho jaye!!

Today, tommorow and yesterday there will be
one heart that would always beat for you
You know Whose???
your Own Stupid!!!

Khuda ne jab tumhe banaya hoga,
Confusion ka moment aaya hoga,
kabhi Monkey to kabhi Donkey banana chaha hoga,
End mein dono ka mixture passand aaya hoga!!!

True friends are those
Who Care without hasitation,
Remember without Limitation,
Forgive without any Explanation,
and Love even with little Communication!!!

The Golden words are "Don't cry in Love"
because for whom u r crying does not deserve your tears
and the person who deserves it will never let u cry!!

Jo assani se mile wo hai gum,
jo mushkil se mile wo hai paisa,
jo kissi-kissi ko mile wo hai pyaar,
jo naseeb waloo ko mile wo hai apun ka SMS!!!

Nazar jhuki to paimane bane,
Dil toote to maikhane bane,
kuch na kuch to zaroor hai aap mein,
yunhi nahi hum aapke dewaane bane!!!

What is sweet but not Honey,
Precious but not Money,
Bright but not Sunshine,
Improves with time but not Wine???
Its....Apni Yaari!!!

Har koi pyar ke liye tarapta hai,
Har koi pyar ke liye rota hai,
mere pyar ko galat mat samajna,
pyar to dosti mein bhi hota hai.

Chaand ko garoor hai ki uske paas noor hai,
to kya hua....
Mujhe bhi garoor hai ki mera Dost Langoor hai!
ha ha ha ha!!!!

Science has proved that Sugar melts in water,
So please don't walk in rain,
otherwise i will lose such a SWEET friend like U

********************************************

فایزانس
"faizan's"
faizans_2005*************

[faizans]

English 2 Urdu translation.

Have a nice day!
* Accha din lo!

What's up?
*Uppar kya hai?

You're kidding!
*Tum bachcha bana rahe ho!

Don't kid me!
* Mera bachcha mut banaao!

Yo, baby! What's up?
* Beti Yo, uppar kya hai?

Cool man!
* Thandaa aadmi!

Don't mess with me, dude.
* Mere saath gandagee mat karo, ek hustee.

Check this out, man!
* Iskee chaanbeen karo, aadmi!

She's so fine!
* Woh itnee bedaag hai!

Listen buddy, that chick's mine, okay!?
* Suno dost, woh choozaa mera hai, theek?

Are you nuts?
* Kya aap akhrot hain?

Son of a gun.
* Bachcha bandook ka.

==================================

فایزانس
"faizan's"
faizans_2005*************

[faizans]

AB TOU AADAT SI HAI


Najany kab say
grade buray aatay hain
Mujhe phir bhi akallll...ll.... kion nahin aati hai??
Najany kab say.....


sab formulay hain..!
sab theorian hain......!!
bhoola do unhain..!
jila do unhain.............................
ahahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhh

Door jitna 'A' hay mujh say... paas 'E' kay main..
Ab to aadat se hai mujh ko.. fail honay main....
teachers ko koi shikwa hi nahin hai..
Ab to zinda hoon main tuiition center main..

kitab aisi hai yeh meri.. chalti jaey...
theory aisi hain yeh isski.. mujh ko sata-a...!
yaad karna itna mushkil hai kay dil doob jaey...

aur aankhoon main yeh sum num ban jaey
hey hey haiy hi haey hay ohohohohhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

ab to aadat si hai mujh ko fail hoany main
hey hey haiy hi haey hay ohohohohhhhhhhhhhhhhh
ahahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhh
ahahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhh
ahahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhh
ahahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhh

===================================

فایزانس
"faizan's"
faizans_2005*************