bullet My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside. -- Roseanne
bullet Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened. -- Unknown
bullet Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next. -- Franklin P. Jones
bullet A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted. -- Helen Rowland
bullet In three words, I can sum up everything I've learned about life...It goes on. -- Robert Frost
bullet I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something. -- Jackie Mason
bullet I get paid weekly. Very Weekly! -- Anonymous
bullet I have everything I had 20 years ago, only it's all a little bit lower. -- Gypsy Rose Lee
bullet Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character. -- Oscar Levant
bullet Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows. -- Jennifer Unlimited
bullet Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. -- Mark Twain
bullet Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. -- W. C. Fields
bullet I have everything I had twenty years ago - except that it is now all lower. -- Gypsy Rose Lee
bullet The longer I live, the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time. -- George Bernard Shaw
bullet Youth had been a habit of hers for so long that she could not part with it. -- Rudyard Kipling
bullet Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again. --F. P. Jones
bullet Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs painting. --Billy Rose
bullet I can resist everything except temptation. -- Oscar Wilde
bullet A rich man's joke is always funny. -- Proverb
bullet I am not young enough to know everything. -- James M. Barrie
bullet I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened. -- Mark Twain
bullet My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife, you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates
bullet Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. -- Erica Jong
bullet The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. -- Franklin P. Jones
bullet Beautiful young people are acts of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art. -- Unknown
bullet "Time is a fixed income and, as with any income, the real problem facing most of us is how to live successfully within our daily allotment." -- Margaret B. Johnstone
bullet I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. Jennifer Unlimited
bullet Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet. -- Mae West
bullet He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough. -- Lao Tsu
bullet You will recognize, my boy, the first sign of old age: it is when you go out into the streets of London and realize for the first time how young the policemen look. -- Sir Seymour Hicks
bullet If you want to be happy, be. -- Henry David Thorreau
bullet Time draweth wrinkles in a fair face, but addeth fresh colors to a fast friend. -- John Lyle
bullet The lovely thing about being forty is that you can appreciate twenty-five-year-old men. -- Colleen McCullough
bullet I don't date women my age. There aren't any. -- Milton Berle
bullet The remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served us nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found." -- CalvinTrillin
bullet If the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body...then only left-handed people are in their right minds. -- Anonymous
bullet Whoever undertakes to set himself up as judge in the field of truth and knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the Gods. -- Albert Einstein
bullet We should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality. -- Albert Einstein
bullet I may be left-handed, but I'm always Right! -- Anonymous
bullet Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance? -- Phyllis Diller
bullet A half truth, masquerading as a whole truth, is a totally false truth. -- Anonymous
bullet Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most . . . -- Anonymous
bullet Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young. -- Fred Astaire
bullet Whatever with the past has gone, the best is always yet to come. -- Lucy Larcom
bullet There are so many things about which some old man ought to tell one while one is little; for when one is grown one would know them as a matter of course. -- Rainer Maria Rilke
bullet It is better to wear out than to rust out. -- Bishop Richard Cumberland
bullet It takes a long time to grow young. -- Pablo Picasso
bullet Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs. -- Anonymous
bullet The secret to eternal youth is arrested development. -- Alice Roosevelt Longworth
bullet There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval. -- George Santayana
bullet When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished a how much he had learned in seven years. -- Mark Twain
bullet No one over thirty-five is worth meeting who has not something to teach us, something more than we could learn by ourselves, from a book. -- Cyril Connolly
bullet Time draweth wrinkles in a fair face, but addeth fresh colors to a fast friend. -- John Lyle